Sporting attire for beginners

What NOT to wear for a CrossFit workout ‘ 101.’

This. Not yet, Dear. We’ll unleash the big guns when we can see our own feet.

This. Exactly WHEN was the last time you went to the gym?

This. Excuse me? We play Motorhead in the background here, not Barry Manilow.

This. Uh, I don’t think she’s here for the Boxing….

This. Snotty bitch from expensive private gym who thought she’d try CrossFit and show all those mummies how uber fit she was. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. Style over substance, beeatch.

This. If you don’t have any friends in real life, you certainly won’t win any here wearing THAT.

This. Sorry, no. We do callouses, not manicures.

This.  Totally rocking it.

What do you wear? *smiley face*

Fat and Effing Forty

The motivation for this journey was quite simply old age. Let me illustrate, if I may, the ‘size’ of our problem.

You know that moment when you get home from your holiday and download your photos? THAT.

August 2011. Trog Dad is caught on camera half-in and half-out of a wetsuit. He is physically unable to escape from this situation due to his immense girth.

July 2011. Trog Mum, resting on a clifftop rock,  is stopped by passers-by who try to feed her a handful of grass and a sugar cube.

Christmas 2011. Trog Parents discover that their self-portrait may imply that a new addition to the family is to be expected. Soon. Cheers!

January 2012. Trog Dad’s neck appears to have been lost somewhere on a beach in Wales.

August 2011. Trog Mum spots a whaling boat on the horizon and realises that it is the jiggling motion of her thunder thighs that has cleared the beach so effectively.

Trog Mum: Action commenced December 2011. CrossFit classes 3 times per week, but a distinct lack of effort to give up the booze. Pitiful.

Also Zumba with old ladies. It makes her feel better about herself.

Weighing in at 12 stone 9lbs (N.B. She is a tall bird. Just not quite tall enough for her weight).

Paleo commenced March 23rd 2012. Cold turkey.

Trog Dad: Continued to increase in rotundity until March 2012, when lack of viable outfits forced remedial action.

CrossFit and Paleo emergency intervention.

Showing potential for addiction to pork scratchings, until he realised they have gluten in them.

Weighing in at a mighty 19 stone (give or take a pork rind or two). Also tall, but basically fat.